Christmas Letter

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In the interest of being green, I am sending this out electronically to as many as possible!

Theresa Comer
"The mind is like a parachute, it works best when open"

Posted via email from theresacomer's posterous

what scares me..

is the willingness of human beings to vilify each other.  For example:
Poor people are just too lazy to work.
Rich people are greedy.
Those damn democrats - they are just trying to get all my money.
Those f*ing republicans - they want to hoard money and power.
Stupid Christians - they believe in God, how ignorant are they?
Rotten atheists...they don't believe in God, they must be immoral.
and on and on it goes, I haven't even started to scratch the surface.
Really?
Wow...I am certainly not in a position to throw stones.  I have been guilty of many generalizations myself.

If I remember correctly (and I am more than willing to believe I don't, so tell me), part of what makes us human is our ability to generalize. Our ability to label, categorize, extrapolate and generalize helped us to survive back in the day.

We are, each and every one of us flawed.  I know I am, and I have yet to meet someone who isn't.  But every person I meet, no matter how "good" or "bad" they are...if I stick it out long enough I soon begin to realize that they are not just one thing, but many.   They have wonderful characteristics and not-so-wonderful ones.

I haven't met very many (if any), who were out to get everyone else, who were "bad to the bone" or evil.  *Not even my mother, and those who know me well, will know just how HUGE a concession that is! 

I know a great number of people I would consider to be good, I have yet to meet one who was perfect.   I know people who are liberal and conservative, Democrat and Republican, Catholic and Christian (and yes, that is a whole 'nother rant), atheist, Wiccan, adult children of alcoholics, immigrant, parents, grandparents, never planning to be parents, people of a variety of races and ethnicities and so on.  Never once have I known ever known a person who was just one thing though. 

Theresa Comer
"The mind is like a parachute, it works best when open"

Posted via email from theresacomer's posterous

Mother's Day, celebrations and optimism

Just re-read my post from last Mother's Day week.  Man, that sucked...I have been spiraling downward ever since. 
This Mother's Day weekend, I attended David's graduation from Augsburg College, and the Habitat for Humanity Black Tie & Hard Hat Gala on Saturday. Tim's confirmation was on Sunday and we went out to a lovely brunch after.  My friend Gail, David's godmother and honorary aunt to all of our children spent parts of the weekend with us, and while it was a busy weekend, it was happily busy.

I interviewed for a new position at St. Kate's last week. Leaving the Career Development office would be hard, but I am ready for a new challenges, so I am optimistic that if I get the position it will be a good thing.  If I don't, well, I will find the right place for me yet and I have a place of comfort while I continue to look for that right job and right place.  Sitting in Mass yesterday, listening to the homily, I was struck by several of the things the priest said. I feel a new determination to live my life the way I am meant to and not as I "should" (as in I should be better...richer, thinner, perfect, etc).  Why should I settle for less?

I am 43 and so many things are in my past, raising children, earning my own college degree, finding friends who are good and true.  Two of my four children have graduated college, in 4 years no less! So many new adventures lay ahead. I have my first passport. I am going to San Diego next weekend, my first visit to the west coast.  I may get a new job in St. Kate's HR dept.  I'll be taking a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean in August.  So many things accomplished in my life, so many new things to look forward to. 

Maybe it's all of the events; possibilities, things ending & new things beginning, or maybe it is just that spring is in the air and the whole world is beginning anew.  When I first sat down to write this, before the weekend, I didn't know what to expect from those couple of very busy days.  Not everything went as I had hoped, but I think it all went as it was supposed to.  So while I don't expect roses and sunshine for the rest of my life, I find myself looking forward to the future, in a way I haven't in a long time.

Theresa Comer
"The mind is like a parachute, it works best when open"

Posted via email from theresacomer's posterous

Kicked out of the club

I am not so very good at this blogging thing.  I post something and then wait months to post again.  But recently, I have been pondering a new thought.  I am no longer a member of the "mom(my) club".
Funny that this should strike me suddenly NOW.  I mean, Steph is 27, Mick is self-supporting (as he proved when he was home for Easter and didn't want or need me to fill his gas tank),  David will graduate from college in a week and Tim, the baby, is 20.  I have been adjusting to the empty nest idea for years.  Looking forward to it, trying to figure out what it means, and now suddenly...Boom, it occurs to me, I am no longer a part of the group.  I can't say "yes" I still have children at home when filling out a survey, I don't have a vested interest in the school system.
Mike pointed out that we have lost the "parent radar", last weekend, when we were out for Easter Brunch, if my nieces or nephew had run out into the street...we would have been the last to notice. *I hope like HECK that comes back when we are grandparents (in the future).
I know that I will always be a mom, but I have reached a point at which I have also "let go".  I want the best for them, am willing to be a resource, but the buck no longer stops here.   I love my adult children, but they are no longer the center of my universe.  There was an understanding in my marriage that the children come first, we "created" them and owed them our best.  Now, I am free to re-focus the center of my universe, my marriage, my career, my own growth and self-improvement.
I know many other parents who do not make the same re-adjustment, honestly, I feel more sorry for their adult children than I do for them.  The idea that no one is a worthy partner for the (adult)child. *EXCUSE me, if I raised you as right as I could, then you should be capable of picking your own partner.  If I don't agree it's my bad.
This all makes so much sense in my head, and I just don't know if I am expressing it right.

Theresa Comer
"The mind is like a parachute, it works best when open"

Posted via email from theresacomer's posterous

Adult Child - Oxymoron

It suddenly struck me...in the midst of the holidays.  When my youngest is a 19 yo, returning home to finish college, and my oldest is a 26 yo MMR young woman who is now engaged and there are 2 in between, I suddenly realized of all the oxymora in life, the most important is the concept of an adult child.  You can't be both, you can not treat your offspring as both.

I was never more furious with my mother-in-law as I was the one time she spoke to me as if I were a child (even finding out that she threatened to boycott our wedding did not enrage me to the same degree*).  Of all of the many and varied issues that my mother and I faced off on, the bottom line was whether I was an adult or her child.

I was, in fact, a child when I married - only 19 years old (well, I turned 20 in less than 2 months).  But I was also a mother, a wife and in 9 months time started to deal with the trials, tribulations and joys of being the mother of 2.  Through my 20+ years of marriage, my in-laws have treated my husband and myself as adults, for better or for worse, etc.   And that has made all of the difference.

Can you be a "child" and a parent? Probably a complete separate topic for discussion.  Adults can and, if they are wise, do ask for assistance when they need it.  I was not a parent to my daughter, not only during the time I lived with my mom, but for the years after that I differed to her when it came to any issues of importance.

*I must say, knowing that my MIL at one point threatened not to come to our wedding did not enrage me at all...I understood where she was coming from, and while I was all-the-more in love with my husband-to-be for his reaction, I did not blame her for the attempt and could see myself taking the same stance.

Theresa Comer
"The mind is like a parachute, it works best when open"

Posted via email from theresacomer's posterous

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hoping to find wisdom in the upcoming weeks!

A great lady who has provided plenty of wisdom to me is getting ready to move on and re-join her husband and other loved ones. I am concerned because as much as I love and admire Bernice, my heart is breaking more for my husband (her grandson) and all of the others who loved her even longer than I.

When I first met Bernice she had been married for over 50 years!  Imagine that...Mike and I are coming up on 23 years this August.  Over the years her wit and wisdom have been a crucial part of the woman I grew up to be (I was 19 when I married her grandson, so she has been part of my life for more than half of my life!).

The stories I have heard of her keen wit (hanging used teabags up to dry and convincing my beloved father-in-law that this was a common cost-saving measure), blend with my own stories of her.  I like to tell newlyweds and soon-to-be weds, that she gave me the best advice I never followed.  Bernice told me not to complain about my spouse to my parents, because while I may eventually forgive him his flaws and faults, my parents would  never be able to do the same.

We lost George too many years ago...spring of 1992, but along with Mick and Jan, George and Bernice gave me my first true understanding of family values. 

In some ways, it seems silly to grieve for Bernice.  She has lived over 94 years, seen her children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren born and some have grown up.  Her oldest great-grandson graduated from Luther College with honors this spring (cum laude! - and I honestly believe Bernice would understand the mother's urge to brag even under the current circumstances).  Bernice has lived a long, full life and from what I have seen she has embraced it fully and is now ready to move on to the next stage.  But, oh, my what we will lose...what my children will lose, by not knowing her in her prime

Even if I  had never known George and Bernice, I would have known what wonderful people they were by their children (Jeanette & David) and their grandchildren (Michael, Jennifer and Kathleen).   The evidence of their influence has permeated my life through my husband and in-laws.

And so, I pray for the strength and wisdom (which I generally am sorely lacking in!), to help comfort those in need over the next weeks and months.  How difficult it is to lose a matriarch, even, no, especially one who has been failing over the last few years. 

God Bless you Bernice!  May your the end of your journey be an easy one!

Theresa Comer
"The mind is like a parachute, it works best when open"

Posted via email from theresacomer's posterous